The blessings in my life are not all roses and cupcakes, and yet they are gifts beyond measure, undoubtedly. If we knew then what we know now, right? Life would be a completely different journey and I would not forsake one for the other because then I would have missed the dance.

With all of the planetary shifting evidenced through the circumstances all around us, there is no denying that sumthin is definitely up. My personal experience has insisted – required – me to do some incredibly deep reviews into hidden areas, hidden from me at least (subconscious), that I can now bring into view through a different lens. A major insistence via my own personal Soul urging is to commit to some Ho’o pono pono…forgiveness and understanding around particular events…primarily, to forgive myself.

Yeppers, this part of the epic ride is in the deepening of my Journey of self-discovery and it leaves nothing undisclosed and all brought to the surface, good gawd – which begs the existential question: who signed me up for this? ‘Cuz I can’t believe it was me! Alas, that is all part of and a very important part of forgiving yourself, because we wanted to see life as happening TO US and not FOR us for too long. And with that we are known to do some pretty crazy and stupid shit along the way, *sigh*. Thus, in reviewing that ‘me’ of then who was not in part or fully taking responsibility for things said and done: forgive thy Self.

This entity that I call ‘me’ loves adventure and the call of the unknown in so many ways, many of these were as a child relative to certain yearnings and soul memories that have needed to be relived in this life. For example, growing up in the new and rapidly growing ‘burbs of SoCal in the 60’s, exploring old orchards and undeveloped spaces, climbing ancient avocado trees, capturing polliwogs and waiting for them to become frogs, learning how to become a very good swimmer in the pounding waves of a coastline that was pretty undeveloped – ESPECIALLY compared to now…and dreaming of lives gone by on the prairie and in the wild mountainous ranges, riding horses, cattle drives and wild yet-to-be found and explored places of yesteryear. I had very few friends, only those willing to go exploring with me – my social life was not important, there were more important things needing to be discovered.

My grandmother grew up in Hahns Peak/Hayden/Steamboat Springs…she was born in 1900 and her father was an undertaker – his business in the basement of their home, so she and her two sisters were privy to firsthand experience with death. That part of the country is as harsh as it comes – they rode their horse to the one room schoolhouse, and my granny rode in the chuck wagon on cattle drives. Oh the stories! I so wish that I had more, and this fact is major incentive to write mine. My grandmother is and was my mentor and inspiration in this life.

Anyway, I dreamed of this way of life and wanted to live it so incredibly with a passion. My grandmother moved to Kentucky as a young woman while her sister Evelyn stayed in Steamboat Springs until she passed, raising some of the finest Quarter Horses and cattle the country knew of in those days. My father wanted me and my siblings to experience as much as possible in life via our travels and so a trip to “the ranch” came along every few years and totally whet my appetite for this life. We also explored some of the most incredible and wild places in the United States and Canada every year, stories yet to be told and experiences incomparable with anything those places have become today.

However…these were road trips and we always went back to suburbia, aka the “real” world that I/we lived in and this was growing and changing rapidly, as was I. I was inspired and cultured to my other “real” world forevermore, and never gave up the urge and need to find it for myself. As I mentioned previously, I have done some wild and crazy shit and some of it with incredible painful impact…while striving somehow to leave the ‘false’ world of suburbia behind. But how?

Entering the School of Hard Knocks and Instant (or not) Education

It seems that those of us that have chosen the path of awakening in this life have to go to this school, kind of like a preparatory academy (snicker giggle). Little did we know, right? We just knew we had to go and I, knowing this, was willing to take whatever steps necessary to get through it and to it, whatever the heck ‘it’ was/is. And still to this moment…however, having been to this school I have learned some etiquette along the way, refinement, and tact. My social skills still leave much to be desired, I can say that this blunt part of me is in the planets and is just me, however – speech therapy class has been drilled into me over many many years and vast experience has taught me to listen carefully. Learning to listen teaches us how to speak, with conscious consideration – thereby avoiding creating as much pain as possible when speaking truths.

The point of this entire message here now is that in review some ho’o pono pono is required before advancing to the next level ‘classes’. Being hellbent on getting to where I believed I needed to be, when a particular and VERY BIG opportunity showed up in my life I took a leap of faith and stated my case, which caused a ton of pain. This is a story I may share in its own time, but for now know that I have had this as a weight that I have carried, despite the many opportunities and moments taken along the way to ask for forgiveness – and to receive that forgiveness (at least in a large part). What needs to be done now is to forgive myself, finally and with understanding, so that I may proceed forward without said burden to carry.

I did indeed have a beautiful opportunity to have this discussion with the primaries (now in the spirit realms), however the ultimate realization was that it is time now to have this discussion with the other very important people involved in this incident that took place when I was 23 years old. At that time the opportunity to take the leap showed up, like Uranus (I will have to research that one for that point in my life, hmmm…?) and now I ask for the opportunities to make themselves available so that I may continue to clear up old unresolved (at least for me) burdens. This makes space for what is important at this point in my life – which is a great chapter, as well. All in the class of “Realizations”.

Uranus: indeed, he was transiting conjunct my natal Mars in Sagittarius and this is what is said about that… “Transits of Uranus to your natal Mars can often be highly disruptive and explosive, resulting in sudden changes in your character, increased aggression, impatient desires, and overall restlessness. Your energy operates on different and elevated levels, leading to increased speed,

irritability, and impulsiveness.

You tend to act without much thought, and many situations prompt you to act swiftly and recklessly. It is important for you to express your individuality and break free from past restrictions or any ties that have limited your freedom to act. However, if these energies are misused, they can lead to intense conflicts, fights, and situations that are unreliable and irresponsible.

You feel a strong rebelliousness and a desire to break free from routines, but there is also a tendency for health complications due to accidents or physical strains. You also become more daring and willing to engage in exciting and courageous endeavors. The expression of your individualism is now particularly strong.”

…thank you astrolibrary.org.

Go figure, I currently have a very powerful Uranus transiting trine to my natal Mars, which is a favorable and supportive yet also potentially explosive condition – all depends on what I do with it, right? I can feel it…it is exact today. So many stories to tell, oh my.

Subjects for future writings, all in the Spirit of Conscious Adventure, therefore I shall leave it at that for now.